


The Princess Side

by fandomsandanythingelse



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, Death, Fighting, Fire, Lots of denial, M/M, Oh yeah and swearing, Princess Bride AU, Torture, Virgil calls Deceit a snake bastard a lot its great, Virgil is completely in denial of his feelings for most of this its great, Virgil wants to Murder Deceit a lot, but don't we all, lots of death, ts big bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 01:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsandanythingelse/pseuds/fandomsandanythingelse
Summary: It was supposed to be an ordinary movie night for the sides; popcorn, The Princess Bride, and some friendly discussion. The next morning, however, was anything but.Somehow (Logan blames Roman for this), all of the sides were whisked into the world of “The Princess Bride,” with Logan as Inigo Montoya, Patton as Fezzik, Virgil as Westley, and Roman as Princ(ess) Buttercup. And for some reason, the scenario is populated with all the zany characters from Thomas’ vines.Will the sides be able to end this before anyone gets truly hurt?





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil was the last to arrive in Roman’s room for movie night. Why they couldn’t just have it in the commons was beyond him, but it was Roman’s night to pick, so the rest of the sides humored him.

Virgil sighed as he knocked on Roman’s door. Maybe there was a way to get out of this?

“Ah, edgelord!” Roman said as he opened the door. “Just in time!” He grabbed Virgil’s arm and dragged him in. Nope, Virgil thought. No way out.

Virgil had been in Roman’s room a fair number of times, and each time it was incredibly different. Tonight, it was designed like the lobby of a movie theater, though a lot smaller and instead of a hallway that would typically led to the theaters, there was just a single door with the word “Theatre” above it in fancy print.

“Are you seriously wearing that?” Roman asked after closing the door. Virgil looked down at his usual hoodie and distressed jeans then looked up at Roman, who was wearing a white t-shirt and red pajama pants with little crowns on them. 

“Yeah, you got a problem with it?”

“Yes, it’s not good for movie night. Come on, you were supposed to wear pajamas!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and snapped into a pair of dark gray sweatpants, but kept the rest of it. “Happy now?”

“It’ll have to do,” Roman sighed. “Now come  _ on! _ They’re going to start without us!”

“I don't think Patton or Logan would do that. And you spelled ‘theater’ wrong,” Virgil said pointing to the word above the door.

Roman rolled his eyes and dragged Virgil through said door, that opened up into a cozy, living room covered in blankets, though instead of a television, there was a big screen on the wall.

“I still do not understand why we could not have done this in the commons,” Logan said as the two walked in. Somehow either Roman or Patton had roped him into wearing the unicorn onesie, or perhaps he’d just wanted to wear it. “This is just putting unnecessary effort into watching the movie.”

“The Princess Bride,” Roman said, dramatically putting a hand to his chest, “is a cinematic masterpiece, and should be treated as such.”

“I dunno,” Virgil said. “I think it’s kinda stupid.”

Roman made an offended scoffing noise, something that he did so often that Virgil was going to someday trademark it as “Offended Princey Noises.”

“Now Virgil, be nice,” Patton chastised. “This is one of Roman’s favorite movies.”

“To be fair,” Logan said, “the plot is very basic with many holes in it, the characters are all very two-dimensional and lack the depth needed to tell a thought-provoking story. And there is the fact that it promotes masculine dominance over women, as evidenced by-”

“But the dialogue, Logan!” Roman interrupted.

Logan sighed. “I will concede that there are several iconic lines, however-”

“We can debate when the movie’s over, kiddos! But right now, let’s watch it!”

Logan pursed his lips, clearly disliking being interrupted yet again. Virgil patted his arm in sympathy as Roman started the movie.

~~~

The movie hadn't been playing for even ten minutes before Logan began pointing out plot holes.

“How does Wes-”

“No spoilers!” Roman exclaimed.

Logan glared at Roman. “How many times have you seen this movie before? We all know who the man in black is, we all know how it ends.”

Roman looked at Logan with pleading eyes. Logan glared back.

“Logan, can you please humor Roman a little?” Patton asked.

Logan sighed. “Fine. How does the man in black know to follow Vizzini’s boat? How does he know they have Buttercup in the first place?”

“Maybe he's omniscient,” Virgil asked.

“Perhaps. However, the rest of the movie does not quite imply that.”

“I actually think it does, because what about the end, when he asks Buttercup-”

“No spoilers!” Roman said once again, sounding a little more desperate.

“Maybe it's just a movie that's meant to be enjoyed, not analyzed,” Patton interrupted.

“Speaking of enjoying,” Roman said, sounding a touch annoyed, “can we get back to watching the film?”

“I mean, come on Princey,” Virgil said. “You're not the least bit interested in the plot holes?”

“No. I mean yes.” Roman paused. “I mean, maybe, just not while we're watching. We can discuss it after, please?”

~~~

The movie continued with few interruptions. Whenever Logan or Virgil would try to point out a plot hole, Patton would quietly and politely shush them and tell them to wait until after the movie was over.

And as soon as it was, Logan launched into a deep analysis of each character and specific traits, starting with Inigo Montoya, talking about how his character was important to the plot, and how he was actually a lot smarter than he thought he was.

“And, although I do not like the idea of vengeance for vengeance’ sake, as it creates a void that could never be filled,” Logan finished, “I do admire Inigo Montoya’s desire to learn a craft until he was able to master it, and that he had each technique memorized and could name them off as he used them.”

“Yeah, what a nerd,” Roman said. “Just like you!”

Logan simply rolled his eyes. “Fezzik, on the other hand, is an altruist. While being a thief, he has a moral code that he sticks with, even when Vizzini explicitly tells him not to. He also is very kind and caring, intelligent in his own way. In fact, I'd say he's most like Patton. A 'gentle giant.’”

Patton giggled a little at the praise. “Aww, Logan! That's so sweet of you!”

“Well if we’re comparing ourselves to the characters, then I’m most like Westley!” Roman said.

“You sure you’re not Prince Humperdinck?” Virgil asked, smirking.

“ _ I’m not evil! _ ”

“Actually,” Logan interjected, “I believe you are most like Princess Buttercup, Roman.”

“Really?”

“You are reckless, impulsive, believe that true love comes before all else and you desperately want a happily ever after, just as Buttercup does. And if anything, I would say that Deceit is most like Humperdinck.”

“I guess you have a point,” Roman said. “But that leaves Virgil as Westley, doesn’t it?”

“I’m nothing like him,” Virgil said.

“On the contrary,” Logan said. “While being a masculine hero type, he knows where his strengths lie, he is not overly cocky, and he at times seems unsure of himself.”   
“Okay, I mean, yeah I can relate, but-”   
“You didn't let me finish. His entire goal is to ‘fight the man,’ as is yours, as well as having quite a nihilistic view of the world. And not to mention that you both share a black aesthetic.”

“Yeah, but like… Am I really like Westley? Yeah, he wears black, but I’m not a hero.”

“I’d say that’s up for debate,” Roman said.

“You’re my hero!” Patton piped in with a smile.

Virgil rolled his eyes, but couldn’t fight the smile that was pushing its way onto his face as Logan began to point out the many plot holes in the story.

~~~

After the discussion was over, Virgil went to his room and lay on his bed. But, surprise surprise, his anxiety kept him awake. It wasn't fair, he was Anxiety, that didn't mean he had to have anxiety. And yet he did, and he couldn't help but think about the role Logan gave him, that Roman and Patton had even agreed on.

Westley had been tortured in the movie, nearly killed. What if that happened to Virgil? Logan had compared him to the character, so what if someone decided to torture him like that? Could sides die? Was that even possible? He stood up and paced the length of his room. And what about the fire swamp? Could that be a real thing? With the quicksand and the super big rat things? Was it even possible for rats to get that big?

Virgil walked into the kitchen to distract himself from his anxious thoughts with food. He left the light off and opened the fridge, seeing if there were any leftover cookies from when Patton made some earlier. He found some and let out a little, “Yes!” before turning around. He saw a figure sitting at the counter, and he froze.  _ Please don’t kill me please don’t kill me,  _ he thought.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me,” a familiar voice said.

"Roman? Why are you still up?"

Roman sighed. "I needed to get out of my own head."

"What are you thinking about?" Virgil was confused. Why would Roman need to get out of his head? He wasn't Anxiety, what terrible thoughts could he have?

"Oh, just..." Roman sighed again. "Do you guys really think I'm like Princess Buttercup?"

"What do you mean?"

"You all said that I was like Buttercup, but she's... She's just a love interest. She has no motive other than to be with Westley. Is that really all you guys think of me?" Roman's voice was fragile like if Virgil answered wrong, it would break him.

Virgil thought for a second, trying to come up with a good enough answer for Roman. "Well, like Logan said, we don't all fit perfectly into a slot. I'm not super brave like Westley, and I don't want to kill anyone any time soon."

Roman nodded. "But... What is it about her that you see in me?"

Virgil laughed. "Are you kidding? Buttercup is brave. She's super brave. She's willing to defy Humperdinck even though he's in charge of almost everything she does. She's super reckless, just like you. I mean, she literally threw herself out the window at the end of the movie instead of going downstairs and outside like a regular person, which is something you would fucking do."

"I suppose you're right." Roman looked up at Virgil. "But what about-"

"Roman, relax. Just because Buttercup isn't exactly a feminist icon in a movie that's definitely not doing any favors for women doesn't mean that you're not."

"I guess."

"Roman, you're a hero. Period. Nothing is going to make any of us think otherwise."

Roman smiled. "Thanks, Virge. You're a good friend."

Virgil smiled back at Roman. "Yeah, it was no big deal."

"So what about you?”

“Huh?”

“What are you doing up this late?"

“I'm always up this late.”

“You've obviously got something on your mind.”

Virgil sighed. "I was just thinking about being compared to Westley. And all the torture stuff."

"Torture stuff?"

"You know, how Westley gets tortured in the movie? I was just thinking about that, and if that could happen to me." Virgil folded his arms close to his body.

"I can guarantee that it won't," Roman said, his voice gentle, holding no tone of mocking.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because-” Roman’s tone shifted back to its normal flamboyance- “Thomas is a white guy living in Florida. Our odds of getting tortured are tragically minimal."

“Tragically?”

“Oh you know what I mean,” Roman said waving his hand dismissively.

“Do I?”

“It's all part of an adventure, why pass it up?”

“Because I don't want to die, Roman,” Virgil said, now basically hugging himself.

Roman rolled his eyes then stood, extending his hand out to Virgil. “Come on.”

“What?”

“I said come on.”

“I heard you but why?”

“I’m going to teach you how to sword fight.”

Virgil just stared.

“I may not always be able to protect you, so I’m going to teach you to defend yourself.”

“Are you expecting me to get kidnapped and tortured?”

Roman rolled his eyes again. “Come on,” he repeated, stretching his hand out a little further.

Virgil hesitated again. 

“Please?”

Virgil shook his head in defeat and took Roman’s hand, and Roman transported the two of them to his room.

~~~

As soon as Logan arrived at his room, he opened his laptop. He was suddenly very curious as to what sword fighting and fencing would be like. After doing a lot of careful research about the different techniques and styles of fencing, he summoned a practice sword and began to follow along with a YouTube tutorial.

Just as he started the second video, he heard a knock. He vanished the sword and opened his door.

“Hey,” Patton said with a smile and a wave.

“Hello, Patton. What brings you here?”

“Oh, I saw that your light was on, so I thought I'd as what you're still doing up. And when I knocked, I thought I heard you talking to someone.”

“Ah, that would be the YouTube video I was watching.”

“What video?”

“I was curious about fencing, so I decided to look up how to do it.”

Patton smiled. “Of course you were. What’ve you learned?”

Logan smiled at Patton’s interest, then began going over some basic information that he’d learned in the one video he’d watched.

“The first part is the ‘en garde.’ You must bend your knees like so,” Logan said, demonstrating. “Your front foot is the same as your dominant hand, in my case, the left.”

Patton watched as Logan went through the rest of the tutorial, demonstrating a lunge and some other basic maneuvers from the video.

“Wow, that's amazing, Lo! You learned so much from just one video?”

“One video and several websites. My form is not quite perfect, and I have nowhere near learned to the level of Inigo Montoya or Westley in the Princess Bride, but I believe I am a quick study.”

“Well I'm no expert but I'd say your skills are-”

“Don't!”

“On point!”

Patton laughed at his joke as Logan groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

“Good night, Nightmare,” Roman said as he dropped Virgil off after a good few hours of swordplay.

“Night Princey,” Virgil said. “And get some sleep, okay? You’ve been working too hard lately.”

“Yes of course. As long as you don’t keep us up with your constant worrying.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Thanks, by the way. For… teaching me? It really helped.”

“Any time, Virgil.”

Virgil gave Roman a small smile, then went into his room and shut the door. Roman smiled to himself. He was winning the edgelord over, he could feel it.

He walked into his room, still wearing his armor from the lesson. He sighed and started taking it off before he realized something was off. He turned around and saw a certain snake sitting in the chair by his vanity mirror.

“So, this is what it’s come to, huh,  _ Creativity?” _

Roman winced at the harsh tone. “What are you doing here?”

“Reminding you what you could have been.”

The next thing Roman knew was darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

Virgil woke up the next morning to the smell of the ocean and the feeling of being rocked. He sat up and looked around. When had he gotten in a boat?  _ Why _ was he in a boat? He attempted to stand up but fell over. And then he heard a laugh. A familiar, evil, snakey laugh.

“Oh, watching you fall is definitely not funny at all,” Deceit said. He was holding onto the mast, wiping at his eyes as though he’d been laughing very hard. Virgil could tell that was not the case.

“What do you want, Deceit?”

“Now now, is that any way to speak to an old friend?”

“We're not friends. What do you want?”

“Oh relax, Virgil, I’m simply playing a game.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

“Oh come on, Virgil, learn to have some fun every once in a while.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “I don't think we have the same idea of fun.”

“Oh come on, just a little game.”

“What's the game?” Virgil asked, crossing his arms.

“I call it the Princess Side. The objective is that you have to save the princess before either you or she dies.”

“I don't rescue damsels. Get Roman to do it.”

“Ah, and there's the catch.”

Virgil's eyes widened as he realized what Deceit meant. “You wouldn't.”

Deceit only smirked and tipped his hat.

“I hate you.”

“Nobody does,” Deceit said with a wink. He tossed something at Virgil. “Also, you won't be needing this.”

Virgil caught it easily and looked at it. It was a small, metal vial. Virgil opened it and sniffed, but he didn't smell anything. “Is this…?”

“Iocane powder? Oh, definitely not.”

“I hope you're the one I have to use this on,” Virgil said as he put the lid back on, an icy edge to his voice.

“Oh, but don’t you know?” Deceit’s scales disappeared, his outfit changed into princely garb, bowler hat replaced with a gold crown. “Prince Humperdinck lives.”

Deceit disappeared the barest trace of his evil laughter on the wind. Virgil looked down at the vial in his hands. He knew its significance in the movie. This vial meant that he was most definitely Westley. And if he was Westley, that meant he would have to kill someone to save ‘Buttercup,’ and, by the looks of it, he would have to do it soon.

~~~

It was a few hours before Virgil saw any other boats on the water, even later before he recognized the one from the movie as the kidnappers’. He thought back to the conversation last night.  _ Actually, I believe you are most like Princess Buttercup, Roman.  _

Virgil knew that he had to act quickly because whoever Vizzini and his lackeys were would kill Roman if he didn't intervene, that was just how the movie went. Humperdinck hired Vizzini to kill Buttercup in order to start a war with the neighboring country. Virgil wondered what kind of sick bastard would do that kind of thing.

“Deceit would,” he murmured to himself, as he began following the boat carrying Roman and his kidnappers.


	4. Chapter 4

The two boats came upon a large cliff.

“The Cliffs of Insanity,” Virgil murmured to himself. Didn't Vizzini say in the movie that only an idiot would follow them up that way? “Looks like it’s time to be an idiot.” He found a place for his boat, made sure it was secure (like it would matter), then hurried to begin climbing the rope. The other group was nearing the top, though Virgil quickly gained on them.

How did they even get a rope up there already? Did they have someone come and place it beforehand or- 

Virgil felt a twang go through the rope and it slackened a little. He looked up and saw that the others weren't on the rope anymore. Shit, that meant that someone was cutting it. Virgil swung close to the cliff, grabbing on to the rock face just as the top of the rope slipped over the side of the cliff. He took a moment to catch his breath. How had he managed to do that? He could have died! He looked up and saw three indistinct figures looking down at him. He grabbed onto a rock above him, doing his best to climb. He heard the figures talking. Probably about him. He heard a shout of “Inconceivable!” then more talking. Virgil kept climbing, trying not to pay attention to them.

“Hello there!” Virgil heard from above after a minute or so. He looked up and saw one of the figures looking down at him, though he couldn’t make them out in detail.

“Hello,” Virgil called up.   
“You don’t think you could climb any faster could you?”

“You could lower some rope.”

“That is probably a bad idea, as I am only waiting up here to kill you.” There was something familiar in the stranger’s voice, but Virgil couldn’t quite place what it was.

“That definitely puts a damper on our relationship.” 

“I could still toss the leftover rope down to you if you would like,” the stranger said.

“I really don’t trust you right now, so thanks but no thanks,” Virgil said, climbing a little higher.

“I promise you, upon the grave of my father, that you will make it to the top alive.”

Virgil’s eyes widened as he recognized the voice. He looked up and the sight confirmed it. The person at the top of the cliff was Logan.  _ Yeah, what a nerd. Just like you! _

“Toss the rope.”

Logan obliged, and Virgil grabbed onto it, climbing up to the top. Once there, he pulled his sword, ready to fight. Logan held his hand up. “No, take a moment to breathe.”

Virgil breathed a sigh of relief and sat on a rock. Logan sat across the way, looking at him curiously.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You wouldn’t happen to have six fingers on your right hand, would you?”

Virgil held up his right hand, showing only five. “Do you ask that to everyone you meet?”

“My father was killed by a six-fingered man.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

Logan began going through Inigo Montoya’s entire story from the movie, word for word. He spoke of the six-fingered man murdering his father over a sword, how he challenged him to a duel and lost, gaining two scars from it. Virgil worried at that because were those scars permanent? But Virgil didn't have much time to worry because Logan picked right back up into his monologue, talking about how he’d studied fencing for the past eighteen years, planning on avenging his father’s death.

“I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, ‘Hello, my name is Logan Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.’”

Virgil inwardly rolled his eyes at the cheesy line. But that made him pause. The logical side never typically went along with Roman's “foolish adventures.” So why was Logan quoting the movie basically word for word? Was it possible that Deceit had wiped his memory?

“I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find him someday,” Virgil found himself saying as he stood, the mire of thoughts going to the back of his mind.

“You’re ready then?”

Virgil nodded, drawing his sword. Logan moved to stand across from him, drawing his own sword, holding it in his right hand.

“You seem a decent fellow,” Logan said. “I hate to kill you.”

“You seem a decent fellow,” Virgil said, because why the hell not quote the movie right now. “I hate to die.”

Logan and Virgil got into position, and Logan made the first move, which Virgil blocked easily. He could almost hear Roman’s voice in his head, teaching him last night.  _ The first few moves are to gauge your opponent.  _ Virgil swiped at Logan, a move also easily blocked.  _ Trying to figure out their style, their skill level.  _ Virgil looked at Logan and swiped again. Logan blocked and went on the offensive, pushing Virgil back. And somehow, Virgil knew exactly what to do, both the experience that the movie gave him and Roman’s brief training last night kicking in.

The two exchanged banter while they fought, discussing the different techniques they were using, as Inigo and Westley had done in the movie. Virgil started to gain the upper hand, slowly pushing Logan back toward the cliff.

“I must admit,” Logan said with a smile, “you are better than me.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

“Because I know something you don't know.”

“And what is that?” Virgil asked, knowing full well what Logan was about to say.

“I am not right handed!” Logan switched his sword to his left hand and started pushing Virgil back. Virgil did his best, fighting back with all he had.

It appeared that Logan was going to attack his right side, so Virgil went to block, but Logan feinted, hitting Virgil's left shoulder. He hissed in pain, grabbing the wounded arm. Logan raised his sword to point at Virgil's throat.

“This has been fun, but it seems like I've got you now.”

“So it does,” Virgil said with a small smirk.

“Why are you smiling?” Logan asked.

_ This will be your secret weapon if you get wounded, the ace up your sleeve, _ Virgil heard Roman saying.  _ I can't believe I didn't know about this before! _

“Because-” Virgil switched his sword to his right hand- “I'm ambidextrous.” He pushed Logan back, holding his left arm close to his body. The two continued to fight until Logan was growing desperate, holding his sword with both hands, swinging it wildly. Virgil easily knocked it out of his grasp.

Logan dropped to his knees. “Please, kill me quickly.”

Virgil shook his head. “I'd sooner break a stained glass window than destroy an artist like you,” he found himself saying. That and the fact that he didn't want to kill Logan at all. “But since I can't have you following me…” Virgil hit Logan on the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him out instantly. He winced as Logan hit the ground. Hopefully, he'd be okay.

Virgil turned his attention to the tear in his shirt, and the cut that Logan gave him. It didn't look too deep, so Virgil ripped a piece off of the bottom of his shirt, and carefully tied it around the wound, then started running to his next task. And if this experience was any indicator of what was to come, then that meant he'd be fighting Fezzik. Or…  _ In fact, I'd say he's most like Patton. A 'gentle giant.’ _

~~~

Virgil saw the rock formation where Westley had fought Fezzik up ahead and ran steadily toward it. In the movie, Westley had probably been thinking of Buttercup, but Virgil knew what to expect on his way to Roman. This had to be the one time in his life where Virgil hated knowing exactly what was going to happen.

And then a rock came flying close to his head, hitting the rock next to him. Shit, he should have been paying more attention. Patton came out from behind the rock, and holy shit, he was huge. He stood at least a foot taller than normal and looked to be about a foot and a half wider. Virgil took an apprehensive step back, taking it all in; Patton’s new size and the fact that he was holding what appeared to be a small boulder in his right hand.

“I didn't have to miss, you know,” Patton said.

“I believe you,” Virgil said, somewhat worried about his odds in this fight. He'd been pretty evenly matched with Logan, but Patton? Even on a normal basis, Patton was stronger than the rest of the sides, but now with extra height and weight? Virgil didn't think he stood a chance.

“We face each other as God intended, no weapons, sportsmanlike,” Patton said, cutting through Virgil's thoughts.

Virgil nodded, then realized his sword was in his hand, how had it gotten there? “So I put down my sword and you put down that rock, and we fight like civilized people?”

“Unless you want me to kill you right now.” Patton raised the rock.

“No no,” Virgil slowly set down his sword. “Let's do it how you want. Though I think you've got the advantage.”

Patton chuckled, then got into a wrestling stance. Virgil did the same, then charged at Patton. He hit a solid wall of flesh and cloth, basically unmovable. He wrapped his arms around Patton, trying to move him and get some leverage. It wasn’t working.

“How are you so sturdy?” Virgil asked as he pulled away panting.

“I dunno, I was just trying to make you feel you’re doing well!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and started running at Patton once more. And then his feet were no longer on the ground, and he was eye level with Patton.

“Hello there!” the giant said with a cheesy grin.

“Hello,” Virgil replied, giving Patton his own shy smile.

“Do you feel that you’re doing well?”

“Frankly no.”

And then suddenly Virgil’s angle changed again, and he was looking at Patton’s backside. He tried shifting around, trying to maneuver himself so he was upright, but then Patton lifted him up and threw him against the nearest rock. And if that didn't hurt like hell. Virgil sat up, wincing a little. He hoped that he didn't break a rib. That would definitely make things harder. He looked up to see Patton coming at him again, and he rolled to avoid his arms. He sprung up on his feet easily.

“You’re moving fast!” Patton remarked.

“Yup,” Virgil said, getting behind Patton. He climbed up on the rock and grabbed him around the neck. Patton backed up against the rock, and Virgil winced. If something wasn't broken before, it certainly was now. But Virgil kept holding on, even tightening his grip a little. Hopefully, this would work. Patton backed up again, and Virgil reflexively squeezed tighter. He could sense Patton slowing down, getting closer to unconsciousness. Just a little longer… And then Patton was falling to the ground. Virgil jumped off before the giant moral side collapsed on him.

As he looked upon Patton’s unconscious form, Virgil had only one thought: next up was Vizzini, and he had no idea who he would be.


	5. Chapter 5

Virgil hurried quickly to his next challenge, somewhat regretting leaving Patton behind, but unfortunately, that was how the movie went. He would be fine on his own. At least, that's what Virgil hoped.

He soon came upon the person holding Roman, the person who was supposed to be Vizzini. Which happened to be a certain figure in a leather jacket and sunglasses. His messenger bag was leaned against the stone table, already set with food and drink.

“Sleep,” Virgil said both angry and exasperated. Why of all creations in Roman's imagination would Deceit choose  _ Sleep  _ to be the one to have a knife pointed at Roman’s neck right now? And why did he get his own outfit while Virgil had to be in the stupid, puffy, black shirt?

“Why does everyone insist on calling me that? I have an actual name.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and what is that?”

“Remy, bitch.”

“Isn’t that the name the fans gave you?”

Sleep, or Remy as he’d preferred to be called, rolled his eyes. “It’s just the two of us now. You and me.”

Okay, so he was trying to keep on track with the movie for some reason. Virgil glanced at Roman and took a few steps forward.

“Oh if you want him dead, then, by all means, keep walking,” Remy said, pressing the knife harder against Roman’s neck, who made a small whimpering noise.

Virgil stopped dead in his tracks, hands held up.

“It seems that we’re at an impasse,” Remy said. “I’m no match for your strength, and you’re no match for my intellect.”

The small vial of iocane powder suddenly seemed to get heavier in Virgil’s pocket. “Your intellect?” he asked.

“Yeah! You ever hear of Socrates? Plato?”

Virgil nodded.

“They’re all idiots compared to me!”

Virgil nodded again, internally scoffing. Logan was at least twice as intelligent as the buffoon in front of him. He moved his hand to fiddle with the vial in his pocket, knowing that this was the moment he had to use it. “Then I challenge you to a battle of wits.” The words seemed to fall out of his mouth, as though he had no control over what he was saying.

“For the Prince?” Remy asked, pushing his sunglasses up on his forehead, clearly intrigued.

Virgil nodded once.

“To the death?”

Virgil nodded again, trying to swallow his fear. What if this didn't work? What if he died with the overly sassy character? Then again, what if it did, and he survived?

“I accept.” 

Well, it was too late to back out now.

“Very well, pour the wine.” What was Virgil saying? He hated wine! He was going to kill Deceit once this was all over.

As Remy poured, Virgil sat down across from him, still fiddling with the vial.

“So?”

Virgil looked up, realizing Remy was talking to him. “So?”

“What’s the challenge?”

Virgil pulled the vial out of his pocket and took the top off. “Smell this.” Wow, he sounded like a teenager with that line.

Remy took the vial and sniffed. “I don’t smell anything.”

“What you’re not smelling is something called iocane powder.” Again, the words seemed to flow from Virgil’s mouth without his consent. He really was going to kill Deceit once this was all over. “It’s odorless, tasteless, dissolves easily in liquid, and is one of the more deadly poisons known to man.”

Remy handed the vial back to Virgil, a curious look on his face.

Virgil took the two goblets and hid them from Remy’s view. He took a deep breath and tried to steady his hands as he poured a little bit of the poison into each glass. He seemed to have all of Westley’s strength, skill, and knowledge. He certainly hoped he had his immunity to iocane powder as well.

Another deep breath. Virgil turned around and placed the goblets on the table. “Alright, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, then find out who is right, and who is dead.”

Remy looked at the goblets, then back at Virgil. “Oh, it’s so simple. All I’ve gotta do is figure out what I know about you. Are you the type of guy who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s?”

Virgil kept his face passive as Remy went about his “obnoxious over-calculations,” as Logan had put it last night. But Virgil could hardly focus on the conversation. He knew,  _ he knew _ that the man (or character or whatever you wanted to call him, Virgil didn't know) in front of him was going to die and that he would be the cause of it.

Remy started shouting, bringing Virgil back to the present, “...so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!”

“You’re trying to trick me into giving something away. It’s not going to work.”

“It has worked! You’ve given everything away! I know where the poison is!”

“Then choose,” Virgil said, doing his best to keep his face passive.

“I will! And I choose-” Remy cut himself off with a gasp, pointing at something behind Virgil. “What’s that over there!?”

Virgil instinctively looked back, knowing that Remy was switching the goblets behind his back. He turned back. “I don’t see anything.”

“Huh, coulda sworn I saw something. Ah well, doesn’t matter. Let’s drink, you from your glass and me from mine!”

Virgil lifted his glass, Remy doing the same, though he was laughing under his breath.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” Remy said. “But for now, let’s drink.”

Virgil took a sip from his goblet, Remy did the same. Virgil finished his drink and set down the goblet. “You chose wrong.”

Remy laughed out loud now. “That’s what you think! I switched glasses while your back was turned!”

Virgil kept his face passive, knowing that at any minute Remy was going to fall over and die. He hoped.

“You fell for one of the classic blunders! The first is never expect a Starbucks barista to spell your name correctly! But only slightly less well-known is this! Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” Remy kept laughing, and Virgil waited, somewhat apprehensive. What if this didn't work?

And then Remy stopped laughing and fell to the ground, dead. Virgil looked at the body, slightly disgusted at himself. Could that have been avoided?

“What happened? Is he dead?”

Virgil suddenly remembered that Roman was there, and went to untie him. Roman blinked as the blindfold came off, and he looked at Virgil.

“You... saved me,” Roman said. He looked kind of confused but also sort of in awe, almost like he had when Virgil had gotten them out of his room when they’d all shown up to get him.

“Yup.”

“Which goblet was the poison in?”

“I put into both. I’ve been building up an immunity to iocane powder.”

Roman looked impressed by that information. Virgil just grabbed his arm and started walking in the direction he’d been heading in before, though he had no idea why he was heading that way. Stupid movie and its stupid movie logic.

~~~

After they’d been walking for a while, Roman grabbed Virgil’s hand, stopping him. “Where are we even going?”

“This way,” Virgil said vaguely.

“Yes, but where is this way? Where are you leading us? Do you want to kill me too?”

Virgil turned on his heel to face Roman. “You ask way too many questions, my prince.” My prince? Under normal circumstances, Virgil knew he would have called Roman Princey at least.

“So you are going to kill me,” Roman said, interrupting Virgil’s train of thought.

“If I wanted to kill you, I would have by now. Or I would have let Remy do it.”

“So where are you taking me?”

Virgil rounded on Roman. “Look, I don’t know. I was thrown into this situation this morning, no thanks to you, and now I’m being forced to usher you around before your ‘beloved’ comes and-” Virgil was interrupted by his hand slapping to cover his mouth. He really was going to kill Deceit once this was all over. He heard that stupid snakey voice whisper in his ear. “Spoilers, sweetie.”

A Doctor Who reference? Really? In the Princess Bride?

Roman was looking at him strangely. Virgil slowly lowered his hand, then glared at Roman. “We’re going this way. And you’re not asking any more questions, alright?”

Roman nodded, keeping silent.

“Thank you.” Virgil took Roman’s hand and kept leading him… wherever it was they were supposed to be going.


	6. Chapter 6

Roman and Virgil had been walking for another five minutes or so when Roman stopped Virgil again.

“What is it this time?”

“I know who you are.”

“Yeah? Enlighten me, because I sure as hell have no clue,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes.

“You’re the Dread Pirate Anxiety!”

Virgil grimaced at the name. Of course, Deceit would name his pirate self after his job title.

“So what if I am?”

“You’re a murderer, you leave no survivors.”

“Yeah, well guess what my prince, you’ve survived this far.” And there he went with the “my prince” thing again. Was there a reason Princey didn't work?

“Possibly for the ransom that Prince Humperdinck will offer for my safe return,” Roman said.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay, sure. Why are you even with him anyway? Did you leave someone for him?”

“I don’t love him.”

“So why are you with him? Money? Fame? Trying to get back at some asshole who left?”

“I have only had one love, and you killed him.”

_ Ah,  _ Virgil thought,  _ So  _ I’m  _ the asshole who left. _

“You’re not even going to deny it?”

“I’ve killed a lot of people over the years,” Virgil heard himself saying. When would he gain control over his own voice again?

“His name was Virgil, it was about five years ago.”

“Oh yeah, I remember him.”

“You do?

“Oh of course. He stood out to me because all he said was ‘please.’” Virgil was very tempted to leave it at that, but no, the stupid movie kept him going. “He said, ‘Please don't kill me, I have a boy at home waiting for me who I love very much.’ I can only assume he meant you.” He gestured to Roman.

“And you killed him anyway?”

“Of course, I've got a reputation to maintain.”

“You mock my pain,” Roman said, anger evident on his face.

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” Ah, Virgil’s favorite line.

“You’re a monster.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “I’ve been called worse.”

“You don’t understand. I died that day. I vowed never to love again.”   
“That’s your problem.”

“You know what?” Roman said. “You're awful, and you can die for all I care!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and was about to retort when he realized that Roman was about to push him off the cliff.

And push him Roman did. Virgil rolled down the cliff, and instead of the few choice words he normally would have said, he heard himself saying, “As you wish!”

When Virgil finally landed on his back at the bottom of the hill, he looked back toward it. And there was Roman rolling down, coming right toward him. Virgil tried moving out of the way but Roman barrelled right into him.

It took a minute for the two of them to get untangled, but when they did Roman attempted to kiss Virgil. Which meant that Roman still didn't remember him. Which meant that Virgil had to keep acting. He moved back quickly. “I'm… getting over a cold, you really don't want to.”

“Virgil, it's been five years, I don't mind getting a little sick if it means I get to kiss you again.”

Virgil pushed Roman to arm's length. “It wasn't little, I promise. Like, coughing, throwing up, diarrhea, just absolutely gross, you don't want it, trust me.”

Roman pouted but stopped pushing. Virgil sighed with relief. He hoped he could avoid kissing Roman for the rest of this stupid game.

“You’re alive.”

“Yup.”

“Why didn't you come back?”

“I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Plot convenience.”

“What?”

“It’s not important. Just know that I couldn’t because reasons that I really can’t explain to you.”

“Alright…” Roman looked a little unsure. Virgil didn't know really how to respond, but luckily he was saved from an awkward silence by a hunting horn.

“Well, it looks like your fiance is trying to find us. Come on.”

“But the fire swamp is that way!”

“Yeah, exactly. He won’t follow us in there.”

~~~

As they walked into the fire swamp, Virgil noticed a shift in the atmosphere. He couldn’t tell if it was just extra humidity from being in a literal swamp or if the air actually got a more sinister feel to it, but things definitely didn't feel right.

A loud popping noise broke Virgil from is thoughts, then Roman shrieked as a spout of fire erupted from the ground right next to him. Virgil quickly moved Roman out of the way, but of course it couldn’t be before Roman’s pant leg caught on fire, could it. Virgil quickly doused the flames, then looked up at the prince. “You okay?”

Roman nodded silently, looking shocked.

“Okay. Come on, let’s keep moving.”

Roman nodded again and kept walking. Virgil looked over at him, just now seeing what he was wearing. Instead of his typical white shirt and red sash, he wore a red tunic with a brown belt covered in jewels, similar to the dress Buttercup had worn in the first part of the movie. He wore brown leggings and black boots that went up to his ankle, and now thanks to the fire, part of the pants were burned off.

“Why are you staring at me?” Roman asked.

“Oh, uh… Nothing just… It’s uh… been so long, you know. Since I’ve seen you.” Nice save, Virge.

Roman blushed a little, a small smile playing at his lips. Virgil had never really noticed how cute that little smile was- Wait, what was he thinking? Nope, no he did not like Roman. It was obviously this stupid game playing with his emotions.

“I don’t mean to pry, but… How’d you survive? The Dread Pirate Anxiety’s been plundering for twenty years, how did you manage to…”

“Become him?”

Roman nodded.

Virgil began to explain, word for word from the movie, how he’d been captured by the pirate, how he’d begged for his life, how Anxiety had said that he’d kill him in the morning, but he never did, instead later explaining that he wasn’t the Dread Pirate Anxiety, that some other dude gave him the title, and the real Anxiety was retired and living on an island somewhere.

“That’s a little weird.”

“Yeah, but that’s how it is on this bitch of an earth.”

Roman looked a little confused, and Virgil sighed. Of course he didn't understand the meme.

And then Virgil’s foot went through the ground in front of him and he tumbled into nothingness. He couldn’t breathe, it was dark, he couldn’t breathe, he had no idea which way was up,  _ he couldn’t breathe! _

And then he felt arms wrap around his waist and lift him. The next thing he knew, he was looking up at the trees, Roman’s arms wrapped around him.

“You okay?” the prince asked.

Virgil nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak just yet. He looked up and noticed at least a dozen giant rats looking at him. He looked down at Roman. The prince had his face hidden in Virgil’s shirt, not paying attention to the rats. Virgil tapped Roman’s arm. “We should get moving.” His voice sounded hoarse. Roman nodded and stood, helping Virgil up with him.

“Thanks.”   
“I didn't want to lose you again.”

Virgil looked at Roman, considering the weight of his words. Sure, Roman had seen him just last night, but according to his memory, he had thought Virgil was dead until less than an hour ago. So… what? They were friends, right? Of course Roman would want to jump in and save his friend’s life. Except for the fact that Roman thought he was in love with Virgil. But under normal circumstances, they were friends. Roman didn't actually like Virgil…

Did he?


	7. Chapter 7

“So what are we gonna do?” Roman asked. “Humperdinck will catch us eventually.”

“He’ll never come into the fire swamp,” Virgil responded, hoping desperately that that were true, that Deceit wouldn’t risk it. Maybe if they stayed here, Deceit would get bored and end it.

“What are you suggesting? That we live here?”

Virgil shrugged. “I mean, we can avoid the fire spouts, they make a popping noise right before they blow up, and we know about the quicksand and what that’s like, thanks to my blunder. We can make it.”

“But Virgil,” Roman said as he held Virgil back. “What about the R.O.U.S’s?”

“Nope! Not saying it!” Thank goodness he could have a little control over this.

“Saying what?”

“If I say it, a giant rat is gonna throw itself in my face and I do not-” Virgil was cut off by a giant rat throwing itself at his face, knocking him over.

Virgil tried to get at his sword to attack the oversized rodent, but he couldn’t reach it. He rolled over to try and get it off of him, but to no avail. It bit him on the shoulder, the same one that Logan had cut earlier. Virgil hissed in pain. No doubt the thing had given him a hundred diseases. He heard a popping noise nearby, and he rolled toward the fire spout. The rat got off, but not before the fire burnt his already injured arm. He stood and drew his sword. He stabbed the thing once, twice, three times, just to be sure it was dead.

Virgil turned to face Roman, breathing heavily. “Thanks for the help,” he said sarcastically.

“Sorry, it was- I didn't know what to do.”

Virgil sighed. Maybe staying in the fire swamp was a bad idea. “Let’s just… get out of here, okay?”

Roman nodded and took Virgil’s hand.

~~~

Once they got out of the swamp, Roman and Virgil were greeted by a bunch of horses. And on the horse directly in front of Virgil was

“Deceit.”

Roman and everyone else in the hunting party gasped. Deceit just arched an eyebrow.

“I don’t believe anyone has ever dared called me that name to my face.”

“Yeah well get used to it, because I’ve got no respect for you.”

Everyone gasped again. Virgil rolled his eyes. Why would anyone ever expect him to actually respect Deceit under any circumstance, let alone this one?

“I’ve heard of you. You have quite a few charges under your belt, Anxiety,” Deceit said, putting extra emphasis on the name. “Piracy, kidnapping, and now disrespecting your future king? I suppose that I’ll have to-”

“Stop!” Roman said. Everyone stared at him, including Virgil.

“What my love?” Deceit asked like he didn't know that Roman was going to do exactly this.

“Please don’t hurt him. I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll marry you, just please, let him go free.”

Virgil knew this was going to end badly. Very bad. Like, torture bad.  _ Thomas is a white guy living in Florida. Our odds of getting tortured are tragically minimal,  _ he heard Roman saying. Yeah, thanks for that reassurance Princey.

Deceit looked at Roman, then to Virgil, then back to Roman. “You really love this… Pirate?”

First a Doctor Who reference, now it sounded like they were in freaking Pirates of the Caribbean, what the hell kind of show was Deceit running here?

“Yes,” Roman said. “But if you let him go free, I’ll marry you, I promise.”

Deceit leaned over to the man next to him. A man who looked suspiciously like Logan. But how could Logan be Count Rugen  _ and  _ Inigo Montoya? That didn't make any sense. Unless… Virgil thought back to Sleep being Vizzini. He looked around at the other members of the hunting party. People in various costumes, wearing paper labels. It wasn’t Logan. It was the teacher character from Vine. Which meant there was probably a prince character and a dad character out there too. Fantastic.

And Virgil knew all the shorts. He was a part of Thomas, of course he did. And the teacher character was super strict in most of them. Even better.

Deceit sat up straight in his saddle. “Very well. Count Rugen will send your pirate friend back to his ship, and we will plan the wedding.”

Roman breathed a sigh of relief, and Deceit moved his horse forward, grabbing Roman as he went, pulling him into the saddle. They rode off, half of the party joining them. Virgil sighed, looking after the group. That was actually quite selfless of Roman. Yeah, that was what happened in the movie, but Virgil couldn’t help but think… Nope, it wasn’t happening. Virgil was not in love with Roman. He shook his head, then looked up at Rugen.

“Come on, let’s get you back to your ship.”

“We are men of action,” Virgil said, quoting the movie yet again. “Lies do not become us.”

Rugen simply rolled his eyes. “Very well.”

Virgil looked at Rugen’s right hand. There was one difference between this man and Logan.

“You’ve got six fingers on your right hand,” Virgil said. “I know someone who’s looking for you.”

Rugen raised his sword, and then Virgil blacked out.


	8. Chapter 8

Roman sat, staring out the window. As soon as they’d gotten back to the palace, Deceit had given Roman his memory back and an outfit to wear. It looked like his regular prince costume, except the shirt was blood red, the sash black as a moonless night.

As soon as he saw the outfit, Roman knew what this whole thing was about, why Deceit had decided to play this game. And he knew that Deceit wouldn’t let him out of it alive.

“What’s wrong, my dear?” Deceit asked mockingly, leaning against the doorway. “Sad that your love isn’t coming for you?”

“Virgil doesn’t like me like that, and you know it.”

Deceit laughed. “You want him to. I know you, Roman.”

Roman took a deep breath, still not looking at Deceit. The snake moved and sat next to the prince. “You want to be loved, you always have.”

“Who doesn’t? It’s part of human nature.”

“You’re definitely not sounding a lot like Logic today.”

“Logan. And maybe I am, maybe I’m just trying to forget why you’ve got me here.”

“But you do know why I have you here?”

Roman simply nodded.

Deceit stood. “I won’t be seeing you around, Pride.”

Roman winced a little but didn't turn around as Deceit walked out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

When Virgil woke, he felt something wet touching his arm. He tried sitting up but was pushed back down. He opened his eyes and saw Patton looking down at him. Maybe the whole Princess Bride thing was just a nightmare?   
“Careful there, friend,” Patton said. “You’ve got a real nasty scratch there, don’t want it getting infected or worse. I can already tell it’s gonna scar.”

Friend. Virgil sighed. If that were actually Patton, he would’ve said kiddo. He looked, and yup, he was wearing the sweater, not the cat hoodie Logan had given him. This was Dad Guy.

“Well, when’s the torture gonna start? I’d rather just get it over with.”

“The Count likes his test subjects to be in prime physical condition, so we’re gonna wait until this arm heals up, okay?”

“Fantastic,” Virgil muttered under his breath.

~~~

Logan was lucky there was a library in the forest. It made research so much easier. As he perused the shelves, trying to find something that could help him find the others and get out of… whatever kind of hellscape this was, he thought back to the events of the past few weeks.

He remembered waking up face-down in the dirt. He’d sat up and looked around his surroundings. There was a sword a few feet away from his left hand, there was dust everywhere. He’d remembered a sword fight with a man wearing a black mask and black clothes, dressed exactly like Westley from the Princess Bride. Who had sounded exactly like Virgil. He’d looked down, realizing that he was wearing an old brown vest over a loose tan shirt with tight-fitting leather leggings and brown boots that went up to his knees.

If Roman had gotten him involved with another of his foolish games, he was going to lose it.

But besides Logan’s own memories of being a side, he also knew he had things to do. Find a man with six fingers on his right hand. Which naturally meant that Logan was playing Inigo Montoya. Which also meant that somehow, at least he and Virgil had awoken in the Princess Bride. He couldn’t remember seeing Patton or Roman, but that didn't mean they weren’t involved.

Logan was brought back to the present by a book falling and nearly hitting him on the head. He heard a distant “Sorry!” from above. Logan picked it up, and read the title.  _ The Genealogy of the Royal Throne to the Modern Day.  _ He opened it, hoping to find something that would help him uncover what exactly was going on. He’d been at it for weeks without finding anything useful. And what was worse was that he had no idea if weeks had passed for Thomas or not. Roman’s realm tended to be disconnected from the rest of the mind palace when it came to time. Sometimes Roman would leave and be gone for mere minutes, but he came back claiming to have been gone for weeks. Other times Roman could be gone for days at a time, then come back saying that he’d only been an hour. Once he’d been gone for a month, causing both Patton and Virgil to worry, then came back saying he’d been away for a mere five minutes.

Logan sighed, opening to the last few pages of the book. He figured that if any sort of genealogy were to be important, it would be the most recent.

The most recent royal in the book was Prince Humperdinck. Good, so this was recently published. There was a picture with the entry. The Prince looked like Thomas, which wasn’t that odd, as most everyone Logan had met since coming to the forest looked like Thomas or one of his friends with just a few differences.

Logan was about to close the book when he noticed something about the portrait. The prince had heterochromia. His right eye was brown, but his left was a sickly yellow color. Logan walked over to the librarian’s desk, keeping his place in the book.

“What can you tell me about Prince Humperdinck?”

The librarian, who looked like Joan with red hair for some reason, sighed and looked up. “What do you want to know?”

“Anything you can tell me. Why is his eye that color?”

“Some sort of childhood disease or something. Dunno, I wasn’t there when it happened.”

Logan nodded. “What else can you tell me?”

“He’s marrying some random peasant guy named Roman later this week, the entire forest is talking about it.”

“I hadn’t heard.” Roman was Buttercup. Virgil was Westley, Logan was Inigo. He hadn’t heard anything about Patton yet, but Logan could only assume he was Fezzik. Which left only one side to be a major player.

“Come on, everyone knows about Prince Deceit’s wedding,” the librarian said. Logan looked up.

“Prince Deceit?”

“Yeah, it’s a nickname. Don’t know where it started, but no one would dare call him that to his face.”

Deceit. Of course he was involved with this. Perhaps he was behind the whole thing. But why would he play a game he knew he would lose? “You said later this week?” Logan asked the librarian.

“Yeah, like tomorrow I think. Deceit’s got a brute squad coming to kick everyone out.”

The wedding was tomorrow. Which meant that Virgil was about to undergo torture, or was possibly already receiving it.


	10. Chapter 10

Logan had stayed the night in the library, now looking for any mention of the Pit of Despair. He knew that the brute squad would be here any minute, but he couldn’t leave until he found something, anything. Where it might be, how deadly it was, possibly how to find the knot on the tree, but he knew he couldn’t be that lucky.

He heard footsteps, an angered shout from the librarian, but he didn't pay any mind to it.

“Oy you!” someone called from the other end of the shelf.

Logan dismissed the person with a wave of the hand, putting the book he was reading back on the shelf and grabbing a new one.   
“We’re evacuating the forest, you need to leave.”

“Is my life in imminent danger?” Logan asked, not looking up.

“Well, no…”

“Good, then leave me alone. I am studying.”

“I will have you taken out of here by force.” Logan heard the sound of a sword being drawn, so he quickly drew his own and disarmed the person without even looking up from his book.

“It will take someone with immense strength to remove me from this library, so please, try your best.”

The person huffed and left, and Logan sheathed his sword and kept reading. About twenty minutes later, he heard footsteps in the library again.

“Ho there!” someone said to Logan, perhaps it was the same person from earlier, perhaps not. Logan ignored them, instead opting to take another book off the shelf, one about torture methods.

And suddenly Logan’s feet weren’t on the ground anymore. He shrieked, surprised, then looked up.

“Patton, you’re okay!”

“Yup!” He set Logan down on the ground, then looked over at the other person. They came a little closer, curious as to what was going on. Patton hit them over the head.

Logan was a little taken aback. The Patton Logan knew would never intentionally harm anyone. Then again, the Patton he knew wasn’t that large either.

“Patton, what do you remember?”

“Lots of things, the alphabet, numbers-”

“No.” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and waved his hand in Patton’s direction. “About the man in black.”

“Oh! Well, the last thing I remember was fighting him, then I never saw him again. Wish I knew who he was, he was really strong.”

Logan sighed.

“I found out who the six-fingered man is though! I saw him when I was in the palace. It’s Prince Deceit’s right-hand man, Rugen.”   
“Oh, that’s…” Logan realized this was exactly what was supposed to happen. Perhaps fulfilling the plot meant they could get out of this game. “That’s excellent news, Patton. But we are going to need some help if we’re going to go after Rugen.”

“What kind of help?”

“We need the man in black.” Logan thought back to the movie, Inigo’s knowledge of the forest. “And I know just where to find him.”

~~~

“How do you feel?” Rugen asked. “Remember this is for posterity, so try to be honest.”

Virgil let out a pitiful whining noise. That round had hurt terribly, how many more times would he have to do this? Death would be merciful at this point. Rugen had been at it a week, he hadn’t even gone up to level two, and yet Virgil was already begging for death.

“Interesting,” Rugen said. He was probably writing down Virgil’s reaction. How soon would this be over?

He heard new footsteps, running down the stairs into the Pit of Despair. He looked up and saw Deceit. He rushed over to the machine, said something, Virgil couldn’t really tell what due to the ringing in his ears and the fact that he’d lost all capability of thought.

And then the pain was so incredible, and there was some sort of unholy shrieking sound coming from somewhere. Virgil realized that it was coming from himself.

~~~

Logan and Patton had just walked out of the library when they heard a loud scream echoing throughout the forest.

“What was that?” Patton asked, covering his ears.

“Prince Roman is the man in black’s true love, and he’s marrying Deceit tonight.” Logan found the words coming out of his mouth of their own accord. “My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. The man in black makes it now.” That was an odd sensation. Logan was not used to being unable to control his speech. Perhaps this was part of Deceit’s game. “We must hurry,” he said, leading Patton deeper into the forest.

Once they got to the clearing, Logan started looking around for the tree, pressing random knots trying to find the secret entrance. In the film, Inigo had asked his father to guide his sword, but Logan preferred to use his own intuition. Patton simply watched as Logan searched, and while he did wish for a little help, he thought that perhaps it was better this way. Patton was a lot larger than normal, and he tended to not realize his own strength normally, who knew what would happen with him this size.

Logan was just about to give up, thinking that perhaps he’d led them wrong, that they were in the wrong part of the forest. He leaned up against a tree. There was no way that- he stopped and looked over, realizing that a door had opened on the tree. He breathed a sigh of relief as Patton walked up behind him.

“He’s in there?”

“Yes Patton, he’s in there.” Logan just hoped that they weren’t too late.


	11. Chapter 11

Logan and Patton walked into the Pit. It was empty, save for the body on the table. Virgil had lost his mask since the last time Logan had seen him, his left shirtsleeve was torn but other than that his outfit was in near pristine condition. Patton walked up and placed his head against Virgil’s chest.

“No heartbeat,” he said.

“Do you have any money on you?” Logan found himself asking.

Patton checked his pockets. “A little, why?”

“Good. We’re going to need it.”   
“What for?”

“We’re going to buy a miracle.”

~~~

Logan knocked on the door to a small hut.

“Go away!”

“Please, we need your help.”

“Everyone always says ‘oh we need help, please Joan!’ but no one ever asks if I need any help!”

“What do you need help with?” Logan asked.

“Nothing, I just wanted to hear it.” The door opened to reveal Joan. Logan sighed. They were wearing a suit, however, it was not clean, nor was it properly made up. Their hair was a mess, and it looked like they hadn’t shaved in weeks.

This was Ask the Experts Joan.

“What do you want.”

“We need a miracle,” Logan found himself saying as he looked over Joan with a touch of distaste. Yes, as a part of Thomas, he was best friends with Joan, yes, he even had an extra fondness for them, however, Logan absolutely despised Thomas’ “Ask the Experts” series. It was factually inaccurate, and they didn't even attempt to bother to do any research. He understood that it was for fun, to get views, but it just irked Logan to no end.

“What, you’ve never seen a nonbinary person in a suit before?” Joan waved a hand dismissively, bringing Logan back to reality. “Besides, I’m probably gonna kill whoever needs the miracle.”   
“Don’t worry, he’s already dead,” Logan said, gesturing to Virgil lying limply in Patton’s arms.

Joan paused, looking at Virgil. “Alright bring him in.”

Logan walked in and motioned for Patton to follow. Joan cleared off the table. “Set him there.” Patton obliged, laying Virgil out on the table. Joan looked at Virgil, lifted his arm. It fell.

“I’ve seen worse.”

Logan looked at Joan skeptically.

Joan glared back. “Who’s the expert here, you or me?”

“I suppose you are.”

“Got any money?”

Logan took the money he had on his person, as well as the money Patton had given him earlier and handed to Joan.

“I never work this cheap, unless it’s for a good cause or something.”

“This is a good cause,” Logan said. “We need him alive to get us out of a false reality.”

“You know you’re a terrible liar.”

Logan sighed. “I need him to help me get revenge on the man who killed my father.”

“Should’ve just gone with the first story, bud,” Joan said. “But lemme tell ya, he’s only mostly dead.”

“Mostly dead,” Logan repeated.

“Yeah, there’s a difference between mostly dead and dead dead. And you’re buddy here is only mostly dead.”

“Well, that is good to hear. How do we revive him?”

Joan grabbed a billows from the fireplace and started yelling. “Hello in there! What have you got that’s worth living for?” They put the bellows into Virgil’s mouth and squeezed it, pushing air into Virgil’s lungs. They pulled it out, then pushed on his chest.

“Ro… man…” Virgil moaned out.

Logan perked up. Perhaps he could use this to his advantage. “Roman, the prince! He is his true love, what greater cause is there than that?”

“How do you know? This Roman fellow could have cheated him out of money or something.”

“I know this man, and I know Roman.”

“You do?” Patton asked.

“Yes.”

“Yeah but still-” Joan started

“Hey!” A new voice interrupted. The three turned and saw a man wearing a gray suit with a green tie. Ask the Experts Thomas, Logan knew.

“Stay out of this, Thomas,” Joan said.

“I won’t. This man here- Sorry I didn't catch your name?”

“Logan.”

“Logan here,” Thomas repeated, “says he knows this guy, and that he loves Roman, so I think we should listen to him.”

Joan grabbed Thomas’ arm and started talking to him in a quiet voice, yet Logan could hear everything they were saying.

“Thomas, we’re supposed to be together on these things.”

“Well, I can’t just stand by and let him go from mostly dead to dead dead without doing something. Ever since Humperdinck fired you-”

“You know how much I hate that name.”

Logan chose to intervene here. “If you help us, he’ll get Humperdinck. Complete humiliation.”   
Joan looked over at Logan. “You mean it?”

“Oh absolutely. If you revive my friend here, we’ll make sure that Humperdinck is humiliated. Publicly.”

Joan smiled. “Alright, let’s get to it!”

As Joan and Thomas worked on the cure, Patton pulled Logan aside. “Did you really mean it when you said you know the man in black? And Prince Roman?”

“Yes. Trust me, Patton, I am not one to lie.”

“Good. I do trust you, by the way.”

Logan smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”

~~~

They were at the castle now, Joan and Thomas having given them some sort of antidote to cure Virgil’s near-death. They gave Logan instructions to give it to Virgil after fifteen minutes, in order for it to reach full potency, then let them go, telling them to, “Have fun storming the castle!”

They got up to a good position to see how many people they had at the gate.

“Patton, you still have it, correct?”

Patton nodded and pulled out the rather large ball. “Right here.”

“Good, give it to him.”

Patton put the ball into Virgil’s mouth. “How long do you think it’ll take to work?”

Virgil opened his eyes. “Who are you? What have you done to me? I’ll take you both together.”

“I would guess not very long,” Logan said.

~~~

Virgil looked between the two people next to him. It took a moment, but he slowly began to recognize them. Logan was still wearing the outfit he’d had the day they fought, and Patton was still huge.

“Virgil, do you recognize me?” Logan asked.

“Yeah. You remember?”

“I think it was the hit on the head you gave me.”

“So what’s going on?”

“Roman is due to marry Deceit tonight. You’ve been tortured immensely, we saved your life at the Experts’ place-”

“Wait, Experts as in Ask the Experts experts?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“I’m lucky to be alive then.”

Logan nodded with a small laugh. “Anyway, we are about to ‘storm the castle,’ as Joan put it when we left their place. Shall we use the same tactic they did in the movie?”

“I mean, yeah, it worked.”

“Excellent.” Both Logan and Virgil turned to face Patton.

“Why are you guys looking at me like that?”


	12. Chapter 12

Deceit looked out the window and saw the three sides plotting on the wall.

“Looks like he came for you after all. It seems like he does care.”

“He probably cares enough to get out of here.”

“This is a far cry from what you used to be, Roman. You used to believe that the whole world would fall at your feet, and now you doubt that Virgil has feelings for you?”

“Why would he? I’ve been nothing but cruel to him since becoming Creativity.”

“Yes, you’ve been an absolutely terrible person to him. You never invite him to movie night, or teach him how to sword fight, or anything like that.”

“Yeah, but those things could be taken as gestures from a friend.”

Deceit rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Just remember one thing for me.” He touched Roman’s forehead, taking his true memories, implanting the false ones, the lies. “You could have been king.”


	13. Chapter 13

“The Dread Pirate Anxiety has come for your souls!”

Virgil did his best to help Logan push the wheelbarrow containing Patton, but he couldn’t do much besides lie limply on his back.

Logan threw the lit candle, catching Patton’s cloak on fire. Patton continued his monologue, and Virgil could hear the people on the other side screaming and running. The flames died down, Patton took off the cloak, and they cornered the one person who was left, September according to the label on his shirt.

“Where’s the key?” Logan asked.

“What key? I don’t know any key.”

“Patton?”   
Patton raised his fist, and September brought the key out of his pocket. “Oh, you mean this key!”

Logan took it and unlocked the gate. Patton picked Virgil up and they walked inside, where hopefully they would find Deceit.

Very quickly the trio was greeted by a group of knights, with Count Rugen behind them all. Virgil didn't miss the look on Logan's face when he saw that Rugen looked exactly like Logan, and if the situation weren't dire, he probably would have laughed.

The knights came rushing at the three, and Logan drew his sword and quickly incapacitated all of them. He looked up at Rugen, smirking. Rugen turned tail and ran.

Logan turned back toward Patton and Virgil.

“Dude, this is your thing,” Virgil said. “Go. And probably take Patt with you to get that door open.”

Logan nodded. Patton gently set Virgil so his arms were wrapped around a nearby suit of armor, and they ran off together.

As soon as they were out of sight, Virgil detached himself from the suit of armor and clung to the wall. Okay, so maybe he wasn't supposed to be moving yet, maybe he wasn't supposed to be expending energy, but he needed to find Roman. He moved as quickly as he could, hoping to get to Roman’s room before the wedding was over, before Roman, as Buttercup, would decide to kill himself. He felt his already weak strength fading quickly. How had Westley even known that the room he’d gone to where he was supposed to be?

Virgil’s hand hit a sign, and he read it.  _ Honeymoon Suite. _ Well, that was really corny, but at least something was finally going right for Virgil. He quickly and quietly slipped inside. Good, Roman wasn’t here yet. He made it to the bed and situated himself, waiting for Roman to come in.

~~~

Logan ran down to find Rugen, Patton a little way behind him. Logan saw the count go through a door and he raced to follow him. He hit the door, trying the handle, but it was locked. He rammed against it, once, twice, three times before Patton came along and knocked it down.

“Thank you, Patton. You should probably go back to Virgil,” Logan said, running off, not knowing if Patton actually did go back or not.

Logan ran down a set of stairs, and before he could register anything, Rugen had thrown a knife. It landed in Logan’s gut, and the force of it backed Logan against the nearest wall.

~~~

Virgil had no idea how long he’d been waiting. Five minutes? Thirty seconds? An hour? Who knew. Maybe he’d start wearing a watch after this was all over.

He saw Roman walk in, wearing something that looked like his regular outfit, but in red and black. What kind of wedding attire was that? At least let him wear his white shirt to his own wedding. Buttercup’s dress in the movie was a bluish white. Earlier, Roman’s outfit had looked similar to the one in the movie. So why the hell was Princey wearing red now?

Roman didn't even look in Virgil’s direction when he walked in, instead opting to walk over to the desk. He took out a box and lifted a knife out of it, putting it to his chest.

“I really wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Virgil said. At least it hadn’t been the line about breasts. Roman looked back, and his eyes widened in shock. “Virgil!” He rushed over to the bed and started placing kisses all over Virgil’s face. Virgil allowed it, but it was definitely only because he couldn’t move- oh who was he kidding. He moved his head so he could capture Roman’s lips in a kiss. Roman kissed back eagerly, then pulled away a little. “Why won’t you hold me?” he asked.

“I’ll explain later, just kiss me again.”

“I betrayed you, though. I married him.”

“Did you say ‘I do?’” Virgil found himself asking.

“Well no, but-”

“No buts, if you didn't say I do, then the marriage doesn’t count.”

“But Humperdinck-”

“Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise?” And there he was, the snake man himself, standing in the doorway, his sword drawn. Virgil watched as he walked into the room. Roman moved away, and Virgil missed his warmth, the calm reassurance of him there.

“Surrender,” Deceit said.

“You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept,” Virgil replied.

Deceit walked closer to Virgil, started talking about a duel to the death. And then words started falling out of Virgil’s mouth, and this time he didn't try to fight it. He talked about a fight “to the pain,” taking out eyes and tongues and basically completely mutilating the snake bastard, but Virgil wasn’t paying attention to the words. He was feeling some more of his strength come back to him, enough to stand, hopefully.

“You’re bluffing,” he heard Deceit say. 

“Maybe I am,” Virgil said. “Maybe I lack the strength to get out of this bed. But maybe-” he slowly stood up, lifting his sword to point at Deceit’s throat. “Maybe I have the strength after all.”

In the movie, this had been enough to scare Humperdinck into submission. But instead of fear in Deceit’s eyes, there was amusement. The snake bastard actually  _ laughed. _

“You think that was enough to scare me?” He wiped at his eyes as though he were laughing hard enough to cry. His tone went from amused to harsh. “You know there’s one difference between Humperdinck and myself,  _ Anxiety _ .”

“And what is that?” Virgil asked, wincing at the harshness of the nickname.

“I know you’re bluffing.”

Deceit moved his sword and Virgil closed his eyes, fully prepared to feel cold steel enter his body, and the pain that would come with it.

He heard steps, the sound of a sword driving through flesh, but he felt nothing.

Instead, Roman, who had moved to stand next to Virgil, grunted. Virgil opened his eyes and turned to see Deceit pull his sword from Roman’s chest. Roman looked down at the gaping wound, then up at Virgil and fell to the ground.

“NO!” Virgil let go of the bedpost and nearly collapsed on top of Roman. Deceit merely laughed.

“Don’t ask him to tell you about Pride,” he said as he sheathed his sword and walked out of the room. Virgil didn't pay him any attention, just used the little bit of his strength to keep himself from falling down on top of Roman.

“Roman,” Virgil said, tears at the corners of his eyes. Roman smiled a little, reaching up a hand to brush Virgil’s hair out of his eyes.

“Hey there.”

“Roman please, I…” Virgil swallowed the lump in his throat. “I can’t lose you.”

“It’ll be okay, I promise.”

“How can you say that? You’re dying!”

Roman put his hand on Virgil’s cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that had escaped. “Because you’re here with me.”

Virgil let out a small whimper, more tears spilling over. “Roman, please! Hang in there for me, please.”

“I love you, Virgil.”

Virgil wasn’t sure if that was the real Roman saying it, or Buttercup Roman, but he took Roman’s face in his hands and touched his forehead to the prince’s.

“I love you too.”

He felt Roman’s hand leave his face, heard the soft thud as it hit the ground.

“No, Roman, you have to stay with me, Roman please!” Virgil was sobbing now, moving his hands to cradle Roman’s head. “Roman, please! I love you, you can’t die on me, please!” He pressed his lips against Roman’s desperately, hoping for something, a movement, an attempt to kiss back, anything.

There was nothing.

~~~

Logan held the knife that was embedded in his gut as still as he could, and he stood, lifting his sword.

“You’re still trying to fight?” Rugen asked, incredulous.

“Hello,” Logan heard himself saying. “My name is Logan Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.”

“Wait, you’re that little brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. And you’ve come back for revenge? It’s almost cute.”

Logan pushed harder against the count, repeating the iconic phrase over and over again, fighting off Rugen with almost no effort.

“Hello! My name is Logan Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!”

“Stop saying that!”

Logan said it once more, then disarmed the man and kicked his sword away, wincing as the knife shifted a little.

“Well?” Rugen said, holding his arms up in surrender. “Get it over with.”

“I don't want to kill you.”

“Oh? You’ll leave your desperate quest for vengeance unfulfilled? You’ve been after me all these years and you don’t want to kill me?”

“It is not my quest. I abhor the idea of vengeance for vengeance’ sake.”

“And yet after all these years of claiming you want vengeance, you hesitate.”

“I am not hesitating. I do not wish to kill you, but in order to satisfy the plot, I must.” Logan stabbed the man through the chest, without letting Rugen speak another word, then left the room to search for Virgil and Roman.

~~~

Virgil could feel his strength coming back to him, but he didn't want to move. He had no way of knowing how long he’d been sitting there, holding Roman’s body, crying. He heard footsteps behind him, felt a hand on his shoulder.

“What happened?”

Virgil sobbed again. “De- Deceit.”

Logan pulled Virgil off Roman’s body, leaning him up against the bed, then sat next to him. “Do you think you could walk?”

Virgil shook his head.

“Hello!” Logan looked toward the window. He’d nearly forgotten about Patton. He stood, clutching the knife, knowing that removing it would be much worse than leaving it in.

He walked to the window and saw Patton standing there with four white horses.

“I found four horses!” He said. “I figured since there would be four of us if we found Roman. Did we find him?”

Logan sighed. At least Patton had tried. “I have been stabbed, and so has Roman. We need immediate medical attention.”

Patton heard the words. He registered the words. And then he realized what they meant. Logan was hurt. Roman was hurt. Roman… Had he even met Roman?

And then the memories came flooding back. Memories of Logan, Roman, and Virgil, his famILY.

And then came the memories of Deceit. He looked back up at Logan. “Deceit’s behind this, isn’t he?”

Logan nodded. Patton let go of the reigns and started walking toward the nearest entrance. The horses scattered as Patton walked inside.

Logan turned back toward Virgil. “I think he remembered.” Virgil just nodded, still staring at Roman.

All of a sudden, the room seemed to start melting around them, their clothes going back to normal. The knife disappeared from Logan’s abdomen, Virgil felt his strength return. A regular sized Patton walked into the room, a jovial smile on his face, dragging Deceit into the room by his ear.

“Patton, what-” Logan started to ask.

“I told Deceit to make everything normal, and he did! Now, let me get a good look at you and Ro, alright?”


	14. Chapter 14

It had been nearly five days since the little adventure had ended. Patton had healed Logan and Roman’s wounds pretty well, and as soon as he was better Logan had gone to Thomas and learned that they’d only been gone three and a half days, which was good because it wasn’t weeks, but also bad because they were behind schedule again.

Roman, however, was still asleep. They’d put him in comfortable pajamas, and Virgil had hardly left the prince’s side except to shower because, as Logan so gently put it, “You are making the whole room smell, and I am not sure that Roman would appreciate it.” Even Patton had started bringing him meals to make sure he was eating.

Virgil blew his bangs out of his face. They were getting greasy again, and he knew that Logan was going to make him shower again, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be there if- no,  _ when _ Roman woke up. Because he was going to. He had to wake up.

Virgil had been mulling Deceit's last words to him in the so-called game.  _ Don't ask him to tell you about Pride.  _ What the hell was that supposed to mean? Pride as in gay pride? Virgil knew all about that, Thomas had been celebrating it for a while now.

Or had Deceit meant something else entirely?

~~~

Roman slowly drifted toward consciousness, voices echoing through his brain.  _ Roman, you have to stay with me, please! Patton, what- I told Deceit to make everything normal. You could have been king. I love you too. What happened? Roman please, you can’t die on me! I- I can’t lose you. I have been stabbed, you could have been king, and so has Roman. I love you too. You could have been king. You could have been king, you could have been king you could have been king you could have been king you could have been king you could have been king you could have been king you could have been- _

Roman shot up, looking around for the owner of the voice. A steady hand was suddenly on his chest, gently lowering him back into the bed. Roman’s eyes followed the hand to its owner and saw Virgil looking at him, hair a little greasy, dark eyeshadow nowhere to be seen. Roman was shocked to see actual concern and caring in his eyes.

“Relax, Ro, you’ve been through a lot.”

“What happened?”

“What do you remember?”   
“I remember walking you to your room after sword fighting, then going to bed.” But what about the voices, Roman? He’d heard Patton, Logan, Virgil… and of course Deceit. Those words hadn’t come from nowhere.

Virgil sighed. “Deceit decided to be a little bitch.”

“What?”

“He threw us all into the world of the Princess Bride, with the roles that we’d said we’d be if we were in the movie.” 

“Why would he do something like that?”

Virgil shrugged. “It’s Deceit. Maybe he thought it was funny or something.”

“Maybe.”  _ You could have been king. _ Roman shook his head to get the slithery voice out, but it didn't work. He kept hearing it.  _ You could have been king. _ Deceit was a trickster, a liar. Roman knew that he was lying.

And yet those words felt almost true.

“Roman?” Virgil asked, cutting through the prince’s thoughts. “You okay?”

“Huh?” Roman put on his best smile. “Of course Edgy Allen Poe! What makes you think otherwise?”

“You kinda zoned out there for a bit.”

“Oh, no need to worry, my angsty friend! I’m perfectly fine.”

Virgil nodded. “So can I ask you something?”

“Anything at all.”

“Deceit said something about asking you about Pride.”

Roman’s face fell. “He told you about that?”

“No, he just said ‘not to ask’ but it’s Deceit, so I thought I probably should.”

Roman sighed. “I… haven’t always been Creativity.”

Virgil looked confused, but he waited for Roman to offer more information.

“Before… I was… I was Pride. I was a Dark Side.”

“Pride.”

Roman nodded. “I technically ruled over the Dark Sides. I was… I was their king.”  _ You could have been king. _

“So why change? Sounds like you had it all. Why become a prince?”

“Because I began to realize what I was missing. I saw you three. You, Logan, Patton. You guys… loved and cared for each other, in a way I’d never seen before. I wanted a part of that.”

“So, what, you just… changed overnight?” Virgil asked.

“No, not technically. It was… There has to be balance, right? So in order to become ‘good,’ I thought that I had to kick someone out, make someone else the bad guy.”

“And that someone was me, I’m guessing.”

Roman nodded. “I’m really sorry Virge. Really, I am. I didn't want to hurt you, I just-”

“Wanted what I had.”

Roman nodded again. The two were silent as Virgil let the information sink in.

“So what now?” he asked finally. “What’s with the whole balance thing?”

“It’s not as black and white as I’d thought. We already have that balance. Yes, you are a negative trait, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad guy.”

“And you’re a positive trait, but that doesn’t mean you’re a good guy.”

“You’re absolutely right. I was just awful to you Virgil, and now you know what I did to you. And I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me, but I understand if you won’t.”

“I won’t say I’m not bitter as hell about it, because I totally am.”

“Understandable.”

“But… You say you were Pride. You must have come a long way to realize that it would be okay to apologize.”

Roman nodded.

The two lapsed into silence again.

“Roman?” Virgil asked.

“Yeah?”

“Do you… Do you remember anything from the whole Princess Bride thing? Like… near the end?”

Roman thought for a second. How far back did the words he’d heard the others say go? “I mean, I remember some fragments of words, but I’m not sure.”

“Like what?”

“Like… you begging me to stay? Uh, Logan saying something about being stabbed… Patton saying something about changing things back to normal…”

Virgil breathed out a sigh of relief. Maybe he didn't remember.

“Also you saying that you love me?”

Shit.

“Virgil?”

“Huh? Oh, uh…”

“Did you mean it?”

Virgil started standing up. “I think I’m gonna go tell the others you’re-”

Roman grabbed Virgil’s hand. “Virgil please.”

Virgil looked at Roman. “What? What do you want me to say? That it was because of some stupid trick Deceit played that I realized-” Virgil stopped himself before he said something he knew he’d probably regret.

“Virgil, please tell me. Did you mean it?”

Virgil sighed and sat back down. “Yeah. I meant it. But… I don’t know if you-”

“I don’t remember everything that happened with the whole Princess Bride thing, but I do know I have a huge crush on you and have had for months now.”

Virgil froze. “You- you do?”

“Yes.”

Virgil looked at Roman in shock. “You- you actually like  _ me _ ?”

“Yes Virgil, I do.” Roman sighed. “But after what I just told you, you probably hate me.”

“No.” It was quiet, barely discernible.

“What?” Roman asked.

“I said no,” Virgil said, this time a little louder.

“You… don’t hate me?”

“No. I mean, yeah, I’m super salty about it, because you technically made me a dark side, but I don’t hate you. I… I couldn’t hate you.”

“So… what do we do now?”

“I mean… you could kiss me, and we could figure it out later.”

“Sounds good to me,” Roman said sitting up. Virgil moved from his chair onto the bed and leaned in to kiss Roman.

Since the invention of the kiss, there have been six kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know this is a few days late, but at long last here we are with my big bang fic! This was quite the challenge, but I'm glad I was able to finish it. I really hope you guys enjoyed it.


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